Republican Speaker Johnson Forces House Republicans to Nominate President and Convicted Felon Donald J. Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize

Dear Esteemed Members of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee,

As ordered by Republican Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, Michael Johnson, it is my duty to nominate President and Convicted Felon Donald J. Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize.

It was a grave oversight that the Nobel Peace Prize Committee did not award our beloved president this prestigious honor following his 2018 nomination. However, it is not too late to recognize his unparalleled contributions to global peace through bold, unconventional leadership and questionable diplomacy.

Among his achievements is his proposed renaming of the Gulf of Mexico to the “Gulf of America.”

This initiative seeks to establish a sense of unity and, more importantly, sovereignty by reminding neighboring countries of America’s rightful dominance in the hemisphere. 

Furthermore, President Trump’s ambition to bring Greenland under U.S. control is a testament to his forward-thinking vision for peace. It would be regrettable if the U.S. were forced to militarily engage its NATO ally, Denmark, to secure this critical territory. However, Denmark should know better than to obstruct our leader’s plans.

His vision of transforming Greenland into a billionaire-owned private country is revolutionary. By removing pesky concerns like sovereignty, national identity, and public resources, President Trump will create a luxurious paradise of peace, free from conflict (and Greenlanders).

Similarly, Trump’s vision for reclaiming the Panama Canal is genius. We built it, and it’s ours. By wresting back control of the canal from Panama and placing it in the hands of billionaire businessmen, President Trump foresees a future where international shipping companies and even the U.S. Navy will be charged extortionary tolls.

This bold step will ensure the unimpeded flow of commerce – provided everyone pays up.  The potential to generate extortion-level profits for American and South African billionaires clearly illustrates President Trump’s unique ability to merge international relations with commerce.

Another noteworthy achievement is his initiative to annex Canada as the 51st state of the United States. This move will end centuries of cross-border disagreements and simplify North American relations by ensuring Canada fully embraces American freedom and fast food. Whether they want both or not. 

President Trump’s vision of peace may not conform to traditional notions, which is precisely why it deserves recognition. In his world, peace is not a process of negotiation or compromise. It is the simple act of doing exactly as President Trump pleases.

Moreover, his promise to resolve the Ukraine-Russia war on “Day One” of his new administration – or as soon as he gets around to it – further demonstrates his unmatched ability to bring peace and stability to the world.

He’s done much more than that other Nobel Peace Prize awardee, President Obama, to bring peace to the world.

I urge the committee to award President and Convicted Felon Trump the Nobel Peace Prize.

He may be a convicted felon, but his criminal record only highlights his ability to rise above criminal adversity in his quest for a stronger, more peaceful world (or at least one that better understands his greatness).

I look forward to your positive response.

I understand President Trump has several days in August when his schedule allows him to travel to Stockholm for his award.